The Un Series
by lorien829
Summary: Chakotay realized Kathryn's feelings for him too late. Will missed chances, secrets, and a tragedy keep them apart?
1. Unfinished

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Disclaimer: Don't own it. Wish I did.

AN: Takes place after _Voyager_ has returned to the Alpha Quadrant. Assumes C/7 happened.

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**Unfinished**  
  
Her face was stoic, the captain's mask firmly and immovably in place. She still had a sneaking suspicion that she wasn't fooling everybody...that hint of pity in Tom's eyes, that hint of anger in B'Elanna's. They were giving themselves away, even as she gave herself away by her too calm, too professional, too okay with this demeanor.  
  
Her eyes tripped over faces, bouncing quickly over the emotion of the two aforementioned officers, not daring to look at the placid knowing that she would see on Tuvok's face. There were new faces too...Owen Paris was in the crowd, Reg Barclay, Harry Kim's parents. People who just could not wait for the future mixed in with people tying up a last loose end of the past. There were several sharp-eyed people in the back tapping excitedly on PADDs...reporters, she'd wager her back salary. Even more reason for her to remain totally collected. She swallowed once, opened her mouth, willing her chin not to quiver, and began,  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, fellow crewmates, family members, friends, and honored guests," she intoned, not sparing a glance for the vultures in the back. "We are gathered here for a joyous occasion, on a day, momentous in and of itself, a day that we have finally returned to Earth." She paused, savoring the nuance of the word, or forestalling the inevitable? There was widespread applause, and a few cheers and whistles. "As one of my final tasks as your commanding officer, I am pleased and honored," she managed to grind out the two verbs without choking on them, "to marry two of my most trusted officers...and my dearest friends."  
  
She allowed herself to look at him then, and knew instantly that it was a mistake. Her eyes filmed over with a sheen of tears, and her voice cracked saying his name. There was a sudden movement to one side, nearly out of her vision, and she knew that Tom had made an involuntary movement toward her, which he had immediately checked. If she had had any doubt whether or not they knew, it was certainly laid to rest now. She blessed him wordlessly for his support.  
  
She continued to speak, her voice sounding very far away, mechanically reciting the words of the ceremony. She was unable to recall anything that happened, except for the moment where she instructed them to face each other. He smiled at his bride then, a soft tenderness coming into his dark eyes, barely revealing his dimples. His bride looked at him, with her blue eyes shining, a wisp of a smile on her face, actually an amazing amount of emotion for her.  
  
She nearly stumbled to a halt then, the stab of pain she felt so intense, it was very nearly physical. She felt that she had narrowly restrained herself from doubling over in front of the entire assembly. Her throat closed tightly, clogged with tears, and she forced the words out as she continued to speak. _Please let me finish, please let me finish, allow me my dignity at least_, she pleaded inwardly. He had glanced up at her then, his dark eyes flashing concern briefly, and then had turned back to his bride. He reached up with a big hand, and brushed a strand of blond hair behind her ear.  
  
"By the power vested in me by Starfleet Command and the United Federation of Planets..." _I think I can, I think I can..._she chanted the words of the ridiculous children's book that Neelix had replicated for then-unborn Miral before he left _Voyager_. "...now pronounce you husband and wife. Chakotay," Kathryn pasted on a smile, "you may now kiss the bride." Her first officer took Seven's face in his hands, searched for something briefly, which to Kathryn, it appeared that he found, and kissed her gently. Applause and cheers spiraled up to the ceiling of the holodeck, as the couple turned around to face the audience, hands clasped tightly.  
  
"Allow me to present to you Chakotay and Annika!" Captain Janeway managed to say with some gaity. The crowd stood as one, and immediately surged to congratulate the newlyweds. Someone called for the arch, and changed the location to the reception hall, and crewmen began to bring in various platters and dishes. Janeway sagged in fatigue, as soon as attention was diverted from her. Tom and B'Elanna were already approaching her purposefully.  
  
"Captain, I know this is hell, but people are expecting to see you mingle," her pilot said.  
  
"We are right here for you," his wife added gently. It was incredibly presumptuous of both of them, but Janeway saw no sense in denying it. She smiled slightly, although it did not reach her eyes.  
  
"Thank you both." They stayed at her side for the remainder of the reception.


	2. Unorthodox

Disclaimer: See previous

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**Unorthodox  
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Her hand trembled as she patted a strand of hair into placed, and she cursed inwardly. How did she expected to function at the dinner tonight, if she was already falling apart? How was she going to act naturally, when she was already obsessed with the most minute detail of her appearance? Why was she going to all this trouble for him, a married man, no less? Kathryn Janeway could not answer any of those questions, so she merely scrutinized herself in the mirror once again.  
  
She was pleased with what she saw, for the most part. Her red-gold hair, longer now, was piled elegantly on top of her head, and her dusky green dress highlighted her pale skin and set off her figure. She hoped she wasn't too thin...she had lost weight in the year since they had arrived back in the Alpha Quadrant. Too many nights staying up late grading papers and exams for the three Academy classes she was teaching...too many days rushed through at a frenetic pace, subsisting on multiple cups of coffee. Her arms were so thin...she hadn't noticed before...she frowned.  
  
Then she shook it off. Why should she care what he thinks anyway? She was looking forward to seeing everyone else...well almost everyone else. It was their first reunion, and, other than Tom, who was teaching at the flight school, and B'Elanna, who was working at Daystrom, she hadn't seen more than one or two other members of _Voyager_'s crew. Briefly, she toyed with the idea of not going at all, but discarded it. Why should she deny herself a good time, because of him? She gave herself a final cursory glance in the mirror, and strode from her room.

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He had changed. She had been surrounded by people from almost the instant she entered the banquet hall, but she had managed to locate him discreetly. She had not been able to find Seven. He had not acknowledged her presence at all. She spoke with Harry, after only one year, already a lieutenant commander, and noticed Jenny and Megan Delaney, each with a new and very gorgeous man on her arm. Tuvok was standing with T'Pel, both watching with the slightly patronizing indulgence that seemed peculiar to Vulcans. 

She continued to eye him. His hair had become streaked with gray, and he appeared to also have lost weight. There were new lines in his face, she noticed with compassion, and felt her heart clench in her chest. One year was indeed not enough time to erase her feelings for him. He looked up then, as if he knew she were watching him. His eyes were just as dark and passionate as she remembered, and her knees weakened as the corners of his mouth lifted slightly. She had to talk to him, and began to head in his direction before the more rational part of her mind could forbid it.  
  
"Hi, Chakotay," she began informally.  
  
"Kathryn," he said in a tone that was a strange combination of wistful and distracted, "you look wonderful." She smiled, and to her horror, felt a flush creeping across her face and the exposed skin of her neck and shoulders. Damn this fair skin.  
  
"Thank you," she murmured, with eyes averted. There was an awkward silence. When she finally looked at him again, she was amazed at the depth of longing she saw in his eyes. It was gone as quickly as it had come, and she thought that she must have been mistaken.  
  
"So, how have you been?" The question came from both of them simultaneously, and then they laughed. As their eyes met again, the laughter trailed off, and Kathryn felt it again...electricity.  
  
"I've been teaching at the Academy...three courses for first year cadets. A little mundane perhaps, especially compared to what we were used to in the Delta Quadrant, but it is rewarding in its own way."  
  
"I never thought I'd see the day when Kathryn Janeway would be happy apart from the stars." Chakotay said lightly, with a trace of his trademark twinkle.  
  
"I have had enough of the stars to last me awhile," she remarked in a wry tone. "But what about you? I haven't seen Seven here tonight." Desperation drove her to the question. She hoped her voice sounded natural.  
  
"She's on Dorvan. She didn't come... we-- "he seemed to have difficulty speaking. "We've been trying to have a baby, but she's already miscarried twice...something about the nanoprobes attacking the embryo." He sighed heavily and seemed to remember to whom he was talking. "I'm sorry... you probably didn't want to know that."  
  
In truth, she didn't want to hear about it at all...but this was Chakotay, her right arm, her best friend. How could she deny him a listening ear? "No, if you need to talk about it, go ahead." His eyes darted around at the milling throng, Voyager crew mixed with Starfleet brass. "Would you mind if we went outside?"  
  
"Not at all," she replied, patting his shoulder, and indicating with a gesture that he lead the way. They slipped out a side door, and began to walk along a footpath which wound through some trees and ended up skirting a small lake. Recessed lighting in the shrubbery lit the path before them, but everything else was dark. Chakotay's face was hidden in shadows, and Kathryn hoped her's was as well.  
  
"Is there no hope of Seven being able to carry a baby to term?" Kathryn asked gently, by way of broaching the subject again. "Very little. The physicians on Dorvan are not as advanced as here, but they've been sending regular communiques to Starfleet Medical. There are advantages to being a former member of the stalwart crew of Voyager. Everything possible has been done." He sighed in a bitter way. "But that's not the worst of it."  
  
"Not the worst?" Kathryn could only echo, wondering what on earth else he could have to reveal.  
  
"No," he laughed humorlessly, "I'm the worst of it. I'm such a god-awful bastard."  
  
"Chakotay-" Kathryn protested. Even as a "renegade", Chakotay had been operating under the highest set of ideals. Self-debasement was not in his character, and wouldn't have been true anyway.  
  
"I don't love her." He said bluntly. "I think on some level I knew it before I married her. This year has been hell. All the emotional ups and downs. Hope and despair. I would love to have a child of my own, and Seven knows it. She thinks it is her fault, thinks I would be well rid of her, thinks I secretly want to find someone else. She closes herself off, we sit at the dinner table like strangers, lie next to each other in bed like strangers." He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "The thing is, I do want to leave. But what kind of man would I be if I ran out on my wife, who is mourning her lost babies. I made a commitment to her, and I want to abide by it. But I want out."  
  
Any elation Janeway might have felt was buried under a wave of compassion for her best friend's pain and inner turmoil. She put a light hand on her arm, and her voice broke, as she whispered, "Chakotay, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do." Oddly, he didn't seem to realize that she was there.  
  
"I loved you from the first moment I saw you." His murmur was so soft, Kathryn felt sure she had misheard him. "I still love you." He turned toward her, but she could make out none of his features. Her heart was pounding in her ears, and she felt dizzy. She should leave, she should walk away from him right now, but her arms and legs felt leaden. "I thought maybe you weren't in love with me at all, that maybe you never had been. Then I saw your face at the wedding, like someone had died, and I knew. I _knew_ then, and it was too late."  
  
Fresh pain assaulted her with his words. "You knew how I felt? Why didn't --"  
  
"In the middle of my wedding to someone else? I wish you had told me. I have never loved anyone but you. Yet another reason I feel so damn guilty. I wish she were you, and she's not, and I resent her because she's not."  
  
"I thought I covered it up so well," she laughed shakily, almost to herself.  
  
"You were so... so icy, rigid. When you married Tom and B'Elanna, you were glowing, happy, relaxed. Then when you looked at me, and your eyes filled with tears. I just stared at Seven, hoping against hope to find some kind of spark there...some kind of you, but it wasn't there. And I knew it was too late." The tragedy of missed chances filled his voice. "It was too late."  
  
"Chakotay, I don't want you to feel guilty on my account. I'm fine."  
  
"Are you happy?" his voice was harsh.  
  
"I--" she paused, wanting to reply in the affirmative, but knowing he would see through her. She tried not to cry. "Chakotay, I count myself lucky to be among your friends. Knowing you has been a privilege. Loving you has been a privilege as well. I do love you...I can't help myself."  
  
"Kathryn-" Chakotay's voice was strangled, as he grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her fiercely. The blood roared in her ears, and the rest of the world melted away. She clung to Chakotay as to a lifeline. In her mind ran the refrain, _he's married, he's married, he's married._ And behind it, the echo, _I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.  
_  
Later, she found that she could not remember much of what happened next. Certain vivid sensations stood out, the feel of grass on her skin, the heat of his body, tears running down the sides of her face into her hair. It was all the pent-up passion that would have to satiate them, because they both knew, without saying, that this was all they had. They never went back to the party, but hastily grabbed a transport back to her house. They made love once more, fell asleep in each other's arms, and when Kathryn awakened just after sunrise, he was already gone. She padded around her house in her pajamas, feeling bereft. She looked for any sign of him, but there was none. Then her eyes fell on the PADD on her coffee table. She picked it up, and read only four words.  
  
It was always you. And she felt herself smile. He had given all that he could give, and what woman could ask for more than that? Would he still have been her Chakotay if he had abandoned his innate sense of honor? She didn't know if she could be happy, but she could be content...and she could remember.


	3. Unaware

Disclaimer: See previous

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**Unaware**  
  
She could remember the exact moment she realized her life would change forever. She was in her office on Academy grounds, writing out her syllabus for the coming term. Her aide, a cheerful dark-eyed cadet named Avril, brought her a cup of coffee, just like she always did. The strong smell of the brew assailed her nostrils, and she knew instantly that she was going to be sick. She rinsed off her face in her lavatory, after having beaten an undignified retreat from the bewildered Avril, and knew that she was pregnant. She hadn't bothered with her boosters in several years, and at her age, that possibility had been the furthest thing from her mind while she and Chakotay were...  
  
She leaned against the cool wall of the lavatory, and forced herself to think rationally and clearly. She couldn't tell anyone. If anyone from Voyager found out, they would tell Chakotay, and then he would know. And he would come, she knew that without a shadow of a doubt. Was it fair to expect that of him? Was it fair to keep this from him when the one thing he wanted most was a child? So much had already happened to Seven, could she live with the responsibility of having destroyed their marriage? No, she decided, it would be better if he never knew at all.  
  
She would have to leave. Her mind was flowing like quicksilver now, instantly focusing on all that she would have to do. She would resign her position on the Academy staff. She would go home, stay with her mother, until after the baby was born. Maybe she could jury-rig the dates...no one would ever know that conception had occurred around the time of the Voyager reunion.

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She entered the house wearily, having done a couple of laps around her childhood home. She was nearly eight months pregnant, and insisted on walking some every day, even though it exhausted her afterwards. She heard her mother talking animatedly to someone, and walked unwittingly into the room.  
  
It was the Parises...all three of them. Kathryn froze, and the conversation trailed off to nothingness.  
  
"Holy Mother of--" Tom managed before B'Elanna's elbow in his ribs silenced him.  
  
"Tom, B'Elanna, it's good to see you. Hi Miral," she said brightly to the toddler. Miral regarded her with solemn eyes, and the silence grew weighty.  
  
"So," Tom said, with forced levity, "what's been going on...other than the obvious, I mean?" B'Elanna quelled him with a look.  
  
"I guess I have some explaining to do, don't I?" Kathryn laughed weakly.  
  
"If you can get her to tell you who the father is, you'll be doing better than I did," her mother said firmly, completely oblivious to her daughter's embarrassment. Tom and B'Elanna looked at her with a question in their eyes.  
  
"He's not in my life, Mother. He's not going to be in my life. He doesn't need to know about the baby." She then turned to her two old crewmates. "I assume I can count on your discretion?" She spoke with just a touch of 'Captain' in her voice.  
  
"Is he someone at the Academy?" B'Elanna asked, sympathetically. "We don't see the faculty that much, but we won't say anything." Tom had a look of deep thought on his face.  
  
"When are you due?" he asked.  
  
"In three weeks." She didn't like the look on Tom's face, like he was doing math in his head.  
  
"Is it a boy or a girl?" B'Elanna asked, the shared excitement that only women who are mothers can feel, showing on her face.  
  
"It's a girl." Kathryn smiled and laid her hand on her abdomen tenderly. The three women continued to chat animatedly about pregnancy and childbirth.  
  
"It's Chakotay's baby, isn't it?" Tom broke in abruptly. The silence that ensued was deafening.  
  
"Tom!" B'Elanna said, aghast, "what the hell are you thinking?" She looked prepared to read him the riot act until she saw Kathryn's face. She was ashen.  
  
"Well, you aren't stupid. Of course you would have figured it out... that's why I left." She appeared to be talking half to herself. "Please don't tell anyone. I didn't want him to know. I didn't want to ruin his marriage." 

"Well--" exactly what B'Elanna thought of men who cheat on one friend and get another one pregnant were all too obvious even in that one word, before Tom cut her off.  
  
"If that's what you want, Captain."  
  
"Thank you, Tom. It really is for the best." She wished she believed that herself.

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She felt tears prick her eyelids, as she heard the distinctive wail of a newborn baby, and she felt her entire body go limp with exhaustion.  
  
"You've got a beautiful little girl," said the doctor, who had cared for the Janeway family for as long as she could remember. He plopped the infant up on her chest, and covered her with a blanket. Kathryn reached up a light hand, and gently caressed the infant's dark hair. "Do you have a name?"  
  
"Yes, Kaya. Kaya Elizabeth." _Kaya. The "k" is for me, and the "ay" is for him._ The baby opened squinty dark eyes then, and Kathryn was struck by her resemblance to her father. It was breathtaking, but, at the same time, filled her with dread. Fuzzy dark hair stood out from Kaya's head, her skin was dusky, and her eyes were so dark that the pupils couldn't be seen. There appeared to be nothing of her in the baby. Anyone from _Voyager_ who sees her is going to know. She felt as if her life was slowly but irrevocably snowballing out of her control. _What am I going to do? People are going to see me, are going to see her. What am I going to do?  
_  
Tom and B'Elanna were among the first visitors, and they had Commander Kim in tow. She was surprised, but pleased to see Harry. She had to get used to the fact that friends and acquaintances would eventually have to know about her new daughter. Harry stepped closer, with a tender smile on his face, and peered around the edge of the blanket at the infant.  
  
"Oh wow! I mean she really..." Harry floundered and stopped speaking. Kathryn looked grim; his reaction had been instantaneous, and anyone else who had known Chakotay would be the same way.  
  
"It's okay, Harry," she smiled tiredly. "She does look like him, doesn't she?" She slumped, as if she carried a physical burden. She had already vowed that she would not destroy Chakotay's marriage. She would just have to raise Kaya alone, and hope that no one asked too many questions. 


	4. Unbidden

Disclaimer: See previous

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**Unbidden  
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"But I want to know _how_ it turns into a butterfly!" The four year old demanded in a petulant treble. Kathryn could not hold back her laughter, as her daughter's brows furrowed over her dark eyes. While in looks, she was Chakotay's daughter in every way, in personality, she was Kathryn made over. The budding scientist within her had never been content with simple childish explanations of things.  
  
"I understand that, sweetheart, but if I explain it to you, we'll be late for your transport, and you'll miss seeing Miral." Miral Paris was a little over 18 months older than Kaya, but they were fast friends. Kaya had a forceful little persona for one so young, and Miral was both feisty and easygoing, an odd combination embodying both of her parents.  
  
"Hurry, Mommy," Kaya's tune changed immediately, and she tugged on Kathryn's hand. They headed across the pasture back to their Indiana home. She kept up a running flow of chatter as they walked. Miral was nearly six. Miral would be going to "big" school in the fall. Miral was old enough to ride the "upside down" ride at the amusement park. Miral had her very own kitten. Miral.... In this vein, they made it back to the house, where Kaya ran and grabbed her packed suitcase.  
  
"Kaya, we're not leaving for another hour. We are going to eat supper before we go." Kaya was so anxious, she barely touched her plate, but Kathryn let it pass. How many times, even recently, had she foregone eating in the pursuit of some goal, the completion of some project? She had just returned from a presentation to the Vulcan Science Directorate, and was looking forward to some much needed time off... two whole weeks out at the Paris homestead in California. She was pleased with the way she had been keeping herself busy, even though she was only on the adjunct faculty of the Academy. She had affiliations with Starfleet, but had independence and freedom of movement, and no one but her close friends really knew about Kaya. Often, those who knew of her, had never actually seen her.  
  
In a perverse way, she was pleased at her efforts at secrecy. The last she had heard, Chakotay and Seven were still on Dorvan, and they were still married. She allowed herself to attribute this success as solely of her own doing. It was small compensation, she admitted, for loving a man who could never be hers, and for raising his child without a father. She sipped the last of her coffee as she contemplated, and realized it was time to go. Kaya bounced out of her chair as if warp-propelled.

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"Kathryn! Kaya!" B'Elanna cried when she saw them at the door. She would have said that Klingons didn't squeal, but her human heritage made sure she was close to it.  
  
"Hi, Aunt Lanna," Kaya used the childish derivative that all the Paris nieces and nephews used. "Where's Miral?"  
  
"Well, at least my existence was acknowledged!" B'Elanna said in an aside to her former commanding officer.  
  
"That should make you feel good," Kathryn replied wryly.  
  
"She's in the playroom waiting for you. She could hardly wait to show you her new game." B'Elanna answered Kaya's question next. The little girl hurried down the hall, and they heard Tom's voice call out  
  
"Hey there, Kaya!"  
  
"Hey Uncle Tom, I'm going to find Miral." She piped out uselessly.  
  
"Well, it's good of you to do something different this time," he answered, and the two women exchanged amused glances.  
  
"So, how'd it go on Vulcan?" B'Elanna asked.  
  
"Pretty well, actually. The research was well-received, and I got to spend a week with Tuvok and T'Pel. I would swear that they were actually disappointed that Kaya didn't come with me."  
  
"Well, who wouldn't be? I mean, she's a doll. I wish Miral were half as polite, and as for Jonathan..." she trailed off at the mention of her hell- raising two year old son. "Well, he looks like Tom, and he acts like the worst parts of Tom and me combined. It's like Kahless said, 'let's give her the child most likely to send her straight to Gre'thor by the fastest route possible'. And we got Jonathan." Despite her negative commentary, Kathryn knew that Tom and B'Elanna both loved their little towhead not in spite of his whirlwhind personality, but more because of it. 

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The doorchime rang halfway through dinner. In fact, it had sounded twice before anyone heard it, due to the volume of the animated conversations going on. The entire extended Paris family, complete with Tom's parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, 2 nieces, and 3 nephews, were all present, plus Tom, B'Elanna, Miral, Jonathan, and then Kathryn and Kaya.  
  
B'Elanna hastily wiped her mouth on her napkin, and hurried to the front door. Kathryn heard murmured voices, but her mind was chiefly on her conversation with Owen and Tom Paris. She also had one eye on Kaya, to make sure nothing untoward occurred. The children, apart from exponentially increasing each other's hyperactivity, were being fairly well- behaved.  
  
When B'Elanna re-entered the room, however, her face was so pale, that conversation in the dining room stopped immediately. "Tom," she said shakily, with a forced smile, "look who surprised us!"  
  
Chakotay and Seven entered the room. There was no sound. Tom watched the blood drain from Kathryn's face. He stood.  
  
"Hey, it's great to see you. Kids, why don't you all go in the kitchen, and get your desserts. You can eat them on the deck... how about that?" There was widespread agreement, and the eight children noisily exited.  
  
Kathryn sat motionless at her end of the table, hoping that in the mass exodus, Kaya had not been noticed. Chakotay alone, she might have been able to deal with, but not with both of them. The tension level in the room was sky-high, and Chakotay and Seven understandably seemed bewildered by it.  
  
"Don't tell me all of those are yours, B'Ela," Chakotay joked. B'Elanna's spine was rigid.  
  
"No, Tom's sisters get some of the credit," she managed a mostly natural sounding laugh.  
  
"Don't you have a little boy now?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, Jonathan. He's two, and he is Tom's parents' revenge on Tom." B'Elanna was starting to calm down now. Chakotay laughed heartily at her reply, and Kathryn felt her heart melt at the musical sound.  
  
"Yes, honey, because we all know what an angel _you_ were growing up," Tom said sweetly. B'Elanna gave him a death look. Seven asked Tom something then, which caused Tom and Admiral Paris to begin bickering spiritedly. Kathryn didn't hear any of it, because Chakotay's eyes had wandered to meet hers.  
  
His eyes darkened as he met her gaze, and she felt her blood pound in her ears. _This is ridiculous! His wife is standing right in front of me. It would be obvious to a child the way I feel. Get control of yourself, Kathryn! _His eyes were burning into hers, and she could feel that he wanted to speak with her alone. She couldn't allow that.  
  
"Excuse me," she blurted, and rose abruptly. "Let me go check on the kids for you."  
  
"Thanks, Kathryn," B'Elanna chirped out, as if that were something Kathryn did often. Kathryn beat a hasty retreat from the dining room. 

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The night was pleasant, and the sky was star-studded. The children were mostly quiet, as they happily stuffed their faces with some kind of fruit cobbler and ice cream. She stood there for a moment watching them. Kaya appeared to be handling her fork quite adroitly, except for a trickle of ice cream dripping down her chin. Kathryn watched her try to rectify the situation with her tongue, and couldn't help but smile. _If he sees her...._ Kaya looked up then, and waved her fork happily.  
  
"Hi Mommy. Miral said Aunt 'Lanna made this, and it's really good." There was a slight hint of amazement in her voice, and Kathryn laughed in spite of herself. B'Elanna's cooking ability, or lack thereof, was nearly as legendary as her own.  
  
"Well, eat it up, sweetheart. We're going to have to go to bed soon."  
  
"But we always get to stay up late here. It's hardly even dark yet." Kaya began to whine at the thought of missed privileges.  
  
"Kaya, what did I tell you about whining?"  
  
"You can't hear me when I whine," Kaya mumbled sulkily.  
  
"You can stay up late tomorrow night. Now finish your dessert," she turned around, knowing someone would probably come looking for her soon, and walked right into the wall of Chakotay's chest. The color disappeared from her face so fast, Chakotay grabbed her upper arm, sure she was going to faint.  
  
"Y-You scared me. I didn't hear you," she managed to stammer. She looked up at him then, but he was no longer looking at her.  
  
"I came out here to see Miral," he explained needlessly, staring over her head. _Kaya,_ she knew instantly. He swallowed, and she saw his Adam's apple bob convulsively. He forced his gaze back to hers. 

"You have a child?" He asked simply. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Her heart was pounding so loud that surely he could hear it. The light was dim, with Kaya's face in shadows as she ate her dessert. Jonathan Paris's hair glowed almost white in the moonlight, but the other children were hard to distinguish. He doesn't know, she realized, but also knew that would change if he saw her in decent light.  
  
Chakotay's face was tense, as if he didn't know quite how to proceed. He could not fault Kathryn for getting involved with someone, and he certainly had no claim on her, no reason to be jealous, but ... "What's her name?"  
  
"Kaya Elizabeth." Kathryn replied. She clasped her shaking hands behind her back.  
  
"She's beautiful," he said sincerely.  
  
"She's my angel." Kathryn said, smiling.  
  
"Kathryn," he paused and turned to face her. "I'm so glad you found someone. I – I never wanted anything as much as I wanted you to be happy."  
  
"Chakotay, I am happy." She said honestly, but did not correct his assumption. "How are you? And Seven?"  
  
"As well as can be expected." He sighed heavily. "I guess I can't complain."  
  
"Any changes, with regard to children?" She asked delicately. He shook his head.  
  
"No, the doctors have told us that it is highly unlikely that she would ever carry a child to term. They've actually advised us to stop trying, in the interests of her health. So we're back on boosters. Not that we were..." he trailed off, as he realized to whom he was speaking. "Spirits, Kathryn, I'm sorry." He stared off into space for a moment, the soft murmur of children's voices punctuating the silence. "Is your husband here with you?" He asked abruptly.  
  
"I'm actually – I'm not – " She floundered a little, and he thought he had embarrassed her.  
  
"I'm sorry, I just assumed... is her father here? I'd like to meet him."  
  
Of course he assumed...she chastised herself, he knows Kathryn Janeway is not one to get into light relationships. Her eyes slid closed for a moment. _How am I going to get out of this?  
  
_"He couldn't get away from work," the lie tripped from her lips before she could stop it. _Digging it deeper, Kathryn? _A voice chided. They stood there in awkward silence for a long moment. The children chattered in the background.  
  
He took a step forward, his hand raised, as if he would touch her cheek. "Kathryn..." he said, and in his voice was a plea.  
  
"Chakotay?" He checked his forward motion immediately, as he heard the placid precise tones of his wife. As he turned back toward the house, where Seven was silhouetted in light pouring from the back door, his eyes burned into Kathryn's briefly.  
  
"What is it, Ani?" He pronounced it Ah-ni, and the innocent use of a pet name stabbed Kathryn like a blade.  
  
"We must hurry if we are to make the transport to your sister's house in Arizona," she stated. She noticed Kathryn over Chakotay's shoulder, and added, "It was nice to see you again, Captain. We are planning to stop back by before returning to Dorvan. Perhaps we can chat then."  
  
_Perhaps I'd rather be shot point-blank with a phaser rifle,_ Kathryn thought snarkily, then felt ashamed of herself. Seven's social skills had vastly improved over the last 5 years. And you've already screwed her husband, the least you can do is talk to her if she wants to.  
  
"Perhaps so," Kathryn said, ignoring the waves of guilt that assailed her.  
  
"It was good talking to you, Kathryn," Chakotay said cordially, his eyes belying the casualness of his words. She nodded, smiling that crooked half- smile that he loved.  
  
They re-entered the house then, and Kathryn could hear them making their good-byes to the Parises. She sagged in relief. She yearned for him, but his absence was easier to handle than his unavailable presence.


	5. Undeniable

Disclaimer: See previous

AN: I probably played a little fast and loose with the world of medicine for the purposes of this story. 24th century medicine would probably be more advanced than depicted here.

****

**Undeniable  
**  
The insistent buzz of the comm finally penetrated Chakotay's slumber. He blinked sleepily, and slowly got up from the bed. He noted with surprise that Seven was sleeping next to him, curled up on her side. Since she was also able to regenerate, the times where she did come to bed with him were getting farther and fewer between. The comm buzzed twice more as he stalked into the dimly lit living area.  
  
"All right, I'm coming," he said grumpily. He sat in front of the small viewscreen, and activated the channel.  
  
B'Elanna's urgent face greeted him. "Chakotay." She said nothing else, for a moment, her expression grim. Dread filled him.  
  
"B'Ela, what's wrong?"  
  
"It's Kathryn's daughter, Kaya. There's been an accident. Kathryn was hysterical; they had to sedate her. But she asked for you. I know what happened between you two, and she's never asked you for anything. But she needs you; she doesn't have anyone. Please come," B'Elanna pleaded.  
  
"But where's Kaya's father?" he asked, trying to make sense of the situation.  
  
B'Elanna gave him an odd look. "Chakotay, what ar-" She shook her head impatiently, and didn't finish her thought. "She's asking for you."  
  
"Of course we'll come," said Seven over her husband's shoulder. Chakotay started, and glanced up at her, wondering how much of the conversation she had overheard. She laid a hand on his back. Her expression gave nothing away. "The captain needs you. We'll go. She has relied on you for a long time."  
  
"Please hurry. We're not sure how much time –" B'Elanna's voice strangled on the last word. "If we lose that little girl.." her voice broke again. She jerked her head to one sign, trying to stem violent emotion, and broke the signal.  
  
A transport to Earth left 20 minutes later. Chakotay and his wife were on it.

----------------------------------------------------------

B'Elanna came at them at a run, throwing herself into Chakotay's arms, as they arrived on the children's floor of Starfleet Medical. Tom followed her, and shook Chakotay's hand, looking pale and stoic.  
  
"How is Kaya?" Chakotay asked.  
  
"Holding on," Tom replied. "But the prognosis isn't good. Her pelvis was shattered, skull fracture, and bad internal hemorrhaging. Her kidneys have been very badly damaged. They weren't able to attain any tissue for cloning." Chakotay's eyes must have asked the question, because Tom continued, "Some teenage kid hotdogging on a speeder hit her. Out in the middle of nowhere on the far end of the Janeway property. Flipped his toy a few times, and it hit a tree and exploded. It was almost 30 hours before they found them. Kid was dead. Kaya was barely alive. No chance to get any viable tissue from her kidneys."  
  
"What about a transplant from a donor?"  
  
"Kathryn's not a match. Neither is her mother." Tom's and Chakotay's eyes met for a long moment.  
  
"Where is she?" Tom pointed down the hall.  
  
"In A-17," he said simply. Seven started to follow her husband down the hall, but something in Tom's eyes made her stop. She looked at him without comprehension.  
  
Chakotay tapped on the door lightly, but did not wait for a response before he entered the room. A-17 was a large ward, for critical care patients. There were 8 units in the ward, but only 2 beds had patients in them. A doctor and two nurses consulted PADDs at the far end. His eye immediately went to Kathryn, slumped in a chair at the head of one occupied bed.  
  
"Kathryn?" he said her name softly. She looked up at him bleakly, for a moment not recognizing him. When she did, her face crumpled.  
  
"Oh, Chakotay, you came." He knelt beside her and she placed her head on his shoulder. "They said it's only a matter of time." She gulped back a sob. "She loved to wander all over the place. It was our land. I thought she'd be safe. I shouldn't have let her go alone. She's only 5." Her voice was barely intelligible through the tears.  
  
"Kathryn, it was an accident. You can't blame yourself."  
  
"I do anyway," she whispered.  
  
"Where is her father?" He asked abruptly and firmly. The truth had been stealing over him slowly, but truly grasping the enormity of it was more difficult. Kathryn's shoulders sagged, and she averted her eyes from his. It told him without words what he needed to know.  
  
He moved around Kathryn to peer at the tiny figure in the bed. Her face was puffy, with trace bruising that the dermal regenerator had not been able to fully resolve. Her left leg was clamped into an osteoregenerator that was whirring softly. There was some kind of stasis field around her midsection, preventing her pelvis from moving at all. Her dusky skin stood out against the white sheets, even in her pallor, and her hair was a tangled black nimbus around her head.  
  
She was the image of him, recast in a feminine mold. If he had seen her clearly at the Parises', he would have known instantly. Emotion washed over him, and he felt his eyes fill with tears. The culmination of everything he'd ever wanted lay prone in a biobed, with a sentence of certain death.  
  
He beckoned to the doctor. "Can you test me for a tissue match?" He asked tersely.  
  
"Who are you?" the doctor queried, not unkindly.  
  
"I'm Kaya's father." The impact of those words coming from his lips was like a physical blow. Kathryn made a strangled noise behind him, and Chakotay's eyes slid closed. He leaned over to place a careful kiss on Kaya's forehead, and followed the doctor over to a lab unit glassed off from the rest of the ward.

TBC


	6. Unrequited

**Unrequited  
**  
"We're a tissue match," Chakotay told Kathryn a few minutes later. "He's setting the surgery up for tomorrow, providing that she has stabilized. He said the hemorrhaging is slowing. She's not out of the woods yet, but there is hope."  
  
She leaned against him then, and began to cry.  
  
"There is hope," he repeated, putting his arms around her and kissing her hair. He patted her back gently, and waited wordlessly for the sobs to subside.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice broke then. "Kathryn, I deserved to know."  
  
"I couldn't face ruining your marriage. I didn't want to make things harder on you. I felt so guilty." Her face crumpled.  
  
"I guess we really shouldn't talk about this now. We're both upset." He took a deep breath, and straightened his shoulders. "I am going to do everything I can for you and for Kaya. I love you both very much, you know that, don't you?"  
  
She nodded, because she was unable to speak.  
  
"I'll be right back. I'm going to go let Tom and B'Elanna know," he said.  
  
He stopped short in the hallway, as three people came to their feet, looking at him expectantly. He closed his eyes briefly. He had forgotten about his wife. In his few minutes in the critical care ward with Kathryn and their daughter, he had forgotten such a person was even present.  
  
This was it, then.  
  
There was no way he could not tell her. He was going to have surgery tomorrow; they were going to take some of his kidney, and clone transplant organs, because his tissue matched Kaya's. What were the chances of that happening to just some random person?  
  
"Chakotay?" Tom's voice broke through his thoughts. "How is she doing?"  
  
"If she stabilizes enough for surgery tomorrow, she should be all right in time," he responded.  
  
"Surgery?" B'Elanna echoed.  
  
"To have new kidneys put in," he said, meeting her gaze evenly. She looked back at him, with awareness dawning in her eyes. "Ani, can I talk to you outside?"  
  
Seven looked from Tom and B'Elanna to him. Something was terribly wrong, she knew, and she was powerless to do anything about it.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------  
  
She stalked along a wet San Francisco street, blind to the lights and the traffic, not even feeling the rain or the chill wind hitting her damp skin. Her clothes clung to her, and damp strands of hair were plastered to her neck and cheeks.  
  
Unsure of how far she'd gone, she stopped suddenly, when she realized that she was not crying... in fact, that she had not cried at all. She felt lost, betrayed, bereft, lonely, angry, but she had not shed one tear.  
  
_Yet another of my shortcomings,_ she thought bitterly. _I am intelligent. I fit the human standards of beauty. The Borg made me more and better than human, and that was still not good enough for him.  
_  
_Because I was not her._ Chakotay had looked stricken when he came from the ward. He had been crying. And when he caught sight of her at the far end of the hall, it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. _And the guilt,_ it had washed over him visibly.  
  
"Ani, there's something I have to tell you. They're going to harvest some of my kidney tissue, and use it to clone Kaya's new kidneys. B-bec-because Kaya's my daughter. Mind and Kathryn's." She thought he had continued speaking, but none of his words were distinguishable over the pounding echo in her head, _Kaya's my daughter, Kaya's my daughter._ She had turned then, and fled from him.  
  
_He didn't love me._ The thought struck her suddenly and with force. _He never did. He was afraid of being alone. He wanted children. He settled for me because I was like her. How long...? _She thought a moment. He had come to the Voyager reunion on Earth, almost 6 years ago. She had not been with him. B'Elanna had said Kaya was 5...  
  
_Barely a year!_ Her inner thoughts were exquisite torturing devices. _We hadn't even been married for a year, before he realized he'd never be happy without her. And she gave him a baby. We were trying so hard, and she...the only time they...  
_  
She felt her breath hitch in her throat, and she put her arms around her midsection as if she were in pain. She still did not cry. She wished she could. _Perhaps the pain would be easier to bear if it had some outlet._ Somehow she even doubted that.  
  
She was so wrapped up in her own misery, that she did not notice them until they had surrounded her. Several people in black uniforms and wet weather gear had gathered on all sides of her. She stopped abruptly. They were all armed.  
  
"You are Annika Hansen, formerly Borg drone Seven of Nine?" One of them asked her.  
  
"Yes. May I ask who you are?"  
  
"I am Lieutenant Commander Montgomery of Starfleet Deep Space Intelligence. You will come with us, please."  
  
They led her away.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chakotay was pacing wildly up and down the hospital corridor. "I tried to tell her. I tried to explain why...but she just ran. I don't know where she went. Should I go find her...what about Kaya? I don't want to leave Kaya." He ran his hands through his graying hair, in a gesture of despair.  
  
B'Elanna put a placating hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Give her some time," she said. "Kathryn and Kaya need you right now. And Seven needs time to process all this. It's probably going to be very difficult for her. And for you too. But Kaya has to come first."  
  
"I know, B'Elanna. I know you're right about putting Kaya above everything else. It just doesn't feel right to not go after Ani. I've just ruined my marriage..." _No, you ruined your marriage 7 years ago, by not marrying the woman you love, _a snide voice inside him whispered.  
  
"Look, you stay here," Tom said finally. "I'll go look for her." He met Chakotay's gaze for a long moment, and appeared to be visibly transmitting strength. "It's going to be okay."  
  
"Thanks, Paris," Chakotay said gruffly. "Even if this all works out, I don't know how either Kathryn or I will ever get past the guilt of what we did to her." He continued to B'Elanna, as Tom walked away swiftly.  
  
They watched, as he was intercepted by a nurse at the far end of the hall. There was an inaudible conversation. Tom reacted visibly to whatever the nurse was saying, and gestured down the hall toward Chakotay and B'Elanna. He jogged back toward them.  
  
"Chakotay," Tom gasped. "Seven's been arrested."  
  
TBC 


	7. Unprepared

Disclaimer: See previous

****

****

**Unprepared**  
  
Chakotay stared at Tom, not fully understanding what he was saying. "Wh- _what_?" He finally managed to gasp.  
  
"Seven's been arrested. She just called here. They're detaining her at Starfleet Command."  
  
"What has she done?" B'Elanna asked in disbelief.  
  
"They won't tell her," Tom said, grimly. Chakotay swore under his breath.  
  
"The last time I checked," he said, "that was still illegal." He made a move as if he would head toward the hospital exit, but he stopped abruptly and looked back toward ward A-17, torn.  
  
"We'll stay here." B'Elanna said firmly. "We'll contact you immediately, if anything happens. Just be back tomorrow morning."  
  
Chakotay smiled wanly, and opened his mouth as if to say something, but stopped, then said, "Thank you."  
  
"The hospital transporter is down on the 2nd floor," Tom added. "Let us know what's going on."  
  
"Will do," said Chakotay, and with one last look at the closed doors of the critical care ward, was gone.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Seven walked back and forth across a small windowless room, in which she had been placed. It wasn't exactly a cell, it had carpet, a sofa, and a coffee table with PADDs of recent periodicals, but it was close. She had been there for 2 hours before they allowed her to call Starfleet Medical and try to notify Chakotay. It had been nearly 1 hour since then. Her clothes had dried on her body, and now felt stiff and uncomfortable.  
  
The doors swished open, and Commander Montgomery entered.  
  
"I demand to know why you have detained me," she said in her most imperious voice.  
  
"Relax, Ms. Hansen, you aren't in trouble."  
  
"I do not believe that that is what I asked. I wish to know why I am being held here."

"Starfleet is just being careful," Montgomery evaded, with a placating meaningless smile on his face.  
  
"I thought that upon Voyager's return, it had been determined that I was not a threat to the Federation. I no longer have communication of any kind with the collective!" Seven's voice went higher; she had already had a terrible day, and this was not helping matters.  
  
"It is not the collective that concerns us."  
  
"Then of what possible interest could I be to you?"  
  
"Have you had any contact with the collective?"  
  
"I believe I have already answered that question."  
  
"Have you had any contact with any species from the Delta Quadrant?"  
  
"No – well, except for Neelix." She stopped. "I assure you he is harmless."  
  
"We are not concerned with the Talaxian either." He paused and eyed her briefly, apparently summing her up. "Have you had any contact with the Borg?"  
  
"I just told you - !"  
  
"I didn't say the collective, I said the Borg," Montgomery's oily manner began to be replaced with irritation.  
  
"The Borg are a collective species. They op –" she stopped suddenly, mulling over his distinction. The comlink chirped and opened before she could say anything.  
  
"Commander Montgomery, there is a Mr. Chakotay here to see you." Seven suddenly went rigid in her chair, and Montgomery noticed, looking at her curiously.  
  
"I'm on my way," He stood, and turned to go.  
  
"I assume he is here on your behalf?" Seven nodded. "Good. Then I'll be back shortly."  
  
"You still have not told me why I am being detained." Seven had to struggle to keep her voice steady. Her porcelain skin was flushed with anger.  
  
"A Borg sphere just entered Federation space." He answered her evenly, meeting her gaze for a long moment. "Excuse me." He ducked out the door.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Kathryn exited Ward A-17 wearily, scrubbing one palm over her face. Her back ached, her eyes felt sandy, and she was sure she looked like hell. It had been nearly 4 days since she had slept in anything besides a Starfleet Medical-issue cot next to Kaya's bed. As if the whole situation with her daughter's health wasn't stress enough, the emotional toil of seeing Chakotay was also taking its toll on her. She had finally wandered from Kaya's bedside to stretch her legs...and find coffee.  
  
B'Elanna and Tom stood up as she walked around the corner into the waiting area.  
  
"Are you still here?" She cracked with a half-hearted smile.  
  
"How is she doing?" Tom asked gently.  
  
"She is 'resting comfortably'," Kathryn quoted. "The doctor says that if she stays stable overnight and accepts the cloned kidneys tomorrow, then the worst danger will be past. I think she's going to be okay." Her eyes slid closed, and her chin wobbled, as she repeated, "I think she's going to be okay." She took a deep breath to collect herself, and then said, in a nearly normal voice, "Where's Chakotay?"  
  
Tom and B'Elanna exchanged glances.  
  
"Seven came with him," B'Elanna said. Kathryn's eyes widened. "So when he came back out here to tell us about the kidney surgery, he had to..." she trailed off.  
  
"He had to tell Seven why he was a tissue match for Kaya," Kathryn finished grimly. B'Elanna nodded.  
  
"Evidently she ran off, upset, and he came back up here. He wasn't sure if he should go after her, or give her time to think, and he really didn't want to leave you and Kaya." Guilt washed across Kathryn Janeway's features.  
  
"But then, Seven called here at the hospital. She's been arrested by Starfleet Deep Space Intelligence, and is being held down at 'Fleet HQ," Tom finished.  
  
"Arrested? But why?" Kathryn was mystified.  
  
"Chakotay went down there to find out." B'Elanna finished.  
  
"Tom, have you tried to contact your father and find out what's going on?"  
  
"He's in a briefing. I left a message with his office. He should be calling me soon." Tom ran one hand through his sandy hair. "Something must be going on."  
  
"I don't understand this at all," Kathryn said, unconsciously starting to pace, as she thought aloud. "Starfleet interrogated Seven, ran tests on her, assessed her threat risk, did all kinds of damned things to her, before deciding to let her go. I thought they would abide by their original decision."  
  
"Unless some new threat has emerged to make them change their mind," B'Elanna added ominously.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Ah, Commander Chakotay," Commander Montgomery greeted him with a obsequious smile.  
  
"I'm no longer in Starfleet," Chakotay was not even attempting to be polite. "I suppose you know why I'm here."  
  
"Er...yes, of course." Montgomery seemed to be nonplussed by Chakotay's rudeness. "I assure you, the detention of your wife was not meant to inconvenience anyone. We will, of course, be releasing her, as soon as it is safe to do so."  
  
"You will damn well release her now. She is a civilian, and has broken no laws." His hostile words belied the calm tone of his voice.  
  
"Starfleet is well within its legal rights to hold any civilian that may be a clear and present danger to the Federation."  
  
"She wasn't a danger last year, or last month, or last week," Chakotay countered harshly. "So you had better start explaining to me what the_ hell_ is going on!"  
  
"Have it your way, Commander," Montgomery said, in a long-suffering tone. Chakotay didn't bother to correct the misuse of the title. "Two days ago, Deep Space Six detected a Borg transwarp conduit opening at the edge of its sensor range. A Borg sphere came through it. It is nearly in communications range. We don't want any unauthorized communication occurring with the Sphere. We must assume its intent to be hostile."  
  
"You think she is going to tried to contact it??" Chakotay said in disbelief. "I have got a 5-year-old little girl critically injured in the hospital, and you have arrested my wife on the grounds that the fact that she was kidnapped and violated by the Borg makes her more likely to call them back?" Sarcasm dripped from Chakotay's tone.  
  
"We are only trying to keep abreast of all potential dangers," Montgomery said, and actually looked contrite. "I'm sorry. I was not aware that you and Ms. Hansen had a daughter, nor that she was ill."  
  
Chakotay looked annoyed with himself for bringing it up. "She's not Ani's daughter, she's mine. Look, I can vouch for her. I know she has no desire whatsoever to contact the Borg."  
  
Commander Montgomery eyed Chakotay, uncertain whether or not to respond to the first part of what he had said. Before he could say anything, the commlink chirped open.  
  
"Priority One Message incoming from Deep Space Six," came a smooth female voice. "Admiral Paris requests your immediate presence in Briefing Room 4, Commander Montgomery. He asks that you escort Annika Hansen there as well."  
  
"If you escort her _anywhere_, I'm going with you," Chakotay said, his eyes narrowed, daring Montgomery to object.  
  
Montgomery suddenly looked weary. "The briefing is classified. I'll have to okay it with Admiral Paris."  
  
"I'll wait. I don't mind," Chakotay replied. Montgomery walked a short distance away, and had an inaudible conversation with someone. He did not appear to be very happy with the outcome.  
  
"You've been cleared. Come on," Montgomery did not even look back at him. Chakotay smothered a grin.  
  
They stopped by a small room, and picked up Seven. Chakotay's eyes flashed angrily at her bedraggled and woebegone appearance. She met his gaze evenly, and then subtly eluded him when he tried to clasp her hand. _I appreciate your support right now, but do not think for even a moment that this means things are well between us,_ she seemed to be saying.  
  
He moved away from her slightly and dropped a little behind her and Montgomery. _Message received loud and clear,_ he thought with chagrin. _It's not as if I don't deserve it.  
_  
They arrived at a room labeled simply "4", and Montgomery leaned toward a panel to have his retina scanned. The panel flashed green when he had completed and cleared the scan, and they entered a large room dominated by a highly polished conference table and a large viewscreen on the far wall. Admiral Paris barely acknowledged them with a glance, as the viewscreen crackled to life.  
  
A lean dark-skinned man, with urgency in every feature, sat before them in a red command uniform.  
  
"Commander Hakkan," Paris said briefly. "What have you got for us?"  
  
"The Borg sphere has been in contact with us here at Deep Space Six, sir," Hakkan said. "They insist on speaking with Annika Hansen."


	8. Unforgotten

**Disclaimer:** See previous 

**AN:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed. This is my first fanfiction, and the reviews have been so encouraging!

**Unforgotten**

There was a short, but eternal, silence in Briefing Room 4. Slowly, as if previously choreographed, every eye in the room ended up on Seven. Her eyes darted from face to face. Chakotay took her hand, noting that she looked lost, and a little unsure of what would happen next. This time, she did not withdraw it.

"Annika," Admiral Paris said, "open the channel." A commander sitting next to Paris made a move as if to protest his order, but checked it almost immediately.

"Seven of Nine to Borg sphere," her voice trembled ever so slightly. Chakotay stared at her. She had not used that appellation in reference to herself in quite some time; although, _Voyager_'s crew still called her Seven. _Old habits die hard_, he thought, but still wondered why she had chosen to use that name now.

"Annika?" came a voice, filled with delight. Seven paled. Chakotay shot a look at her.

"Axum?" she replied in wondering disbelief.

"Borg sphere, this is Admiral Owen Paris. Identify yourself," Admiral Paris interrupted. Axum's voice grew much more formal.

"This is Captain Axum Kelreth,of the independent vessel _Freewill_."

"Please explain why you are traveling in a Borg vessel," Paris demanded.

"Admiral, this is no longer a Borg vessel. We have...appropriated it." There was a pause before his last phrase, which dripped with irony. Chakotay could not help but smile.

"You will understand, Captain, our caution, given the havoc the Borg have wreaked in this sector in the past," Paris said, in a somewhat friendlier tone. "We will need to converse further before you will be cleared to proceed. Please remain on board your vessel, until we have come to a decision."

"I do understand, Admiral. I assure you that we are of no threat to the Federation, and may even be able to offer some intelligence. If my arrival at Earth is to be delayed, might I at least be able to speak with Annika privately?"

"We will secure a channel for you. Please standby. Paris out." The admiral replied. When the audio channel closed, Commander Montgomery protested. "If what Kelreth says is true," Paris said, speaking over Montgomery, "then he can give us very valuable information. And if he really wants to leave Deep Space Six, he probably could without much damage to his vessel, and significant damage to anything we might throw at him. He'll be given the benefit of the doubt. But he'll be closely watched, rest assured." He then turned to Seven.

"We'll set up a secure channel in Briefing Room 3," Paris told her. "I trust that nothing subversive will take place." It was a not-so-subtle warning.

"Certainly not, Admiral. Axum and I are friends." There was an odd enough inflection in her last word to make Chakotay glance at her strangely.

As the people filtered out of the room, Chakotay and Seven wandered into the hallway, and stood for a few moments in between Briefing Rooms 3 and 4. They looked more like two total strangers than a married couple.

"Ani..." Chakotay began in a strained voice.

"Please don't," Seven's voice was a weary plea.

"I don't want to leave it this way," he was calm, as if he knew the inevitable end.

"You just want to absolve yourself of your guilt," Seven replied astutely. "This is not to make me feel better; it is to make _you_ feel better." She stopped for a moment, and changed tack. "Would you have ever told me? About her?"

"Ani, I did not know about Kaya until shortly before you did. Apparently, Kathryn went to great lengths to keep it from me."

"I was not talking about Kaya. I was talking about the admiral. Would you have ever told me?" Chakotay was silent, and Seven had her answer.

"I am not sure which is the greater betrayal: your sleeping with her, or her sleeping with you." A note of bitterness tinged her voice as she thought about her husband and her mentor. "I do realize that you never loved me, that our relationship was lies compounded on lies. Unfortunately that does not make it any easier to..."

A young ensign came out of the briefing room then, to tell her that the link had been established, and cut off what she had been about to say.

"It does not matter anyway," she finished. "Do you really think I could cohabit with you, eat beside you, lie next to you, knowing, _knowing_ the whole time that you have always wished I was someone else?" Chakotay could not respond, taking all of her pain and feeling of betrayal on his head; he had no excuse. "Besides, she gave you what I never could, what you wanted more than anything...Kaya."

Chakotay's features became agonized at her last words. "Ani, don't think that-"

"Don't think what, Chakotay? Don't think that you did not resent me? Don't think that you regretted marrying me every day? At least, now there is someone here who.." She stopped abruptly, her cheeks stained pink.

"Someone? Who? Axum?" Chakotay asked, his voice rising. "Are you in love with him?" He realized that he had no right to ask that in that tone of voice. Seven put his sentiment into words.

"You lost the right to be involved in my life at the _Voyager_ reunion 6 years ago. I just did not know it until now." Her words were ice cold. "Good-bye, Chakotay. I am sorry that you felt I was not enough." She crossed the hall to the briefing room, and entered.

She did not look back.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kathryn strode up the hospital hallway, having gone home for a few hours for a shower and a nap, at the EMH's insistence. He had come to see Kaya, and immediately demanded that she take better care of herself. She had agreed, mainly to stop the lecturing.

She peered in the waiting area, which was empty. She knew B'Elanna and Tom would be present during Kaya's surgery tomorrow, so she guessed that they had also gone home to rest. She stopped short as she entered A-17, which was dim and hushed during Gamma shift, and saw a dark form hunched over Kaya's bed.

She made a movement forward in alarm, but stopped when she realized who it was. It was Chakotay, and he was talking in a low, broken, earnest voice. This was someone she did not know: a guilty Chakotay, full of regret over a situation mishandled that caught innocent people in its crossfire. The readouts over Kaya's biobed showed that she was sleeping. But she should have known that Chakotay wasn't actually talking _to_ anybody. This was something deeper than conversation; it was an attempt at absolution. Kathryn wavered at the edge of the divider between her daughter's bed and the door, unsure of whether to announce her presence or not, or just leave.

"-arrior became restless and weak and apathetic. He convinced himself that the woman warrior did not care for him, and, even though that was not a condition of his promise to her, he released himself from his own vow. He left her alone, and because he acted without honor, he proceeded to hurt everyone he loved, and break everything he touched. The woman warrior gave birth to the child of the angry warrior, but did not tell him, because she thought she would ruin his life. Even though his life was already ruined by his own hand. His daughter was a dark-haired angel, and he loved her without knowing it. When he saw her finally, she had been hurt and broken, and he made a new vow. Love washed over him like the raging of a waterfall, and he vowed that, once she had been restored to health, that he – that he- he w-would-" His voice cracked then, and his head dropped into his hands. Kathryn stood motionless, tears standing in her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks.

"Kaya, I am so sorry. I hope one day you know how much I love you, and how much I wanted you, and how sorry I am that I haven't been around. There is so much I would love to show you and teach you." He sighed deeply. "Kathryn," he said, and Kathryn jumped at her name, before she realized that he was not really talking to her. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you insist on compounding our mistakes?" He was silent for a long time. "I guess it's too late now...no absolution." His cryptic comments caused Kathryn to wonder whether or not he could read her mind.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn finally ventured from the darkness by the door. He turned, and, although his face was obscured by shadows, she could feel his eyes burn into hers.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Annika! You're looking well," the handsome captain with the long sandy hair said with a smile.

"Thank you. You are looking well yourself. It is quite surprising to see you here." Seven said, with her typical forthrightness.

"Meaning 'what am I doing here?', right, Ani?" He laughed, and then noticed the wince that his nickname caused. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, Axum, it's just that – no. Tell me how you and your vessel came to be in the Alpha Quadrant."

"A few of the drones in Unimatrix Zero were able to initiate commands enabling them to take over their ships, before the Queen shut down the virus. There were 4 other ships, but the Queen destroyed them all. We managed to escape, and made our way to a long-abandoned transwarp conduit, virtually ignored by the collective. It was unmanned, and we came out in the Alpha Quadrant. It was not long before the Federation had taken notice."

"Surely you knew they would."

"Of course, which is why I'm able to accept the distrust for now. Besides, it helps that I get to see _you_. I have been looking forward to this for a very, very long time." The meaning in his voice was unmistakable, and Seven felt herself flush. He looked at her for a moment, as if trying to gauge her mood, and then said, "I'd like to see Captain Janeway, and thank her for all she did. If it weren't for her, the _Freewill_ wouldn't even be here."

Seven had to acknowledge the truth in his statement, but something of her feelings toward Kathryn Janeway must have shown in her face, because Axum paused.

"Is something wrong?" He asked. "Am I making you feel – do you – are-"He stopped, and finally hit on the right track. "Are you with someone?"

"Actually, Axum, I am married. To Chakotay, formerly commander on _Voyager_." Seven could not understand why she felt embarrassed to tell him this, like she had been caught doing something wrong.

"The first officer?" Axum said slowly. "I see. Well, he seems like a good enough man. I'm glad for you." His voice had a forced brightness. "I guess... I – you won't want me looking you up when we get to Earth?" His sentence was half-statement, half-question.

"Of course I do. You are my friend, and one of the few people who can understand what I have experienced. There are some things I need to ... discuss with my husband first." She appeared to be half-talking to herself. Then she allowed herself to look directly at him for a long moment. "Axum, I am glad you are here."

She walked out of the briefing room when she had concluded her conversation with her former lover, and wandered around for awhile until she found a computer kiosk that was not in use.

"Computer," she said matter-of-factly, "this is Annika Hansen, initialize Federation Legal Database, personal access code zero three two epsilon seven. Initiate divorce proceedings."

TBC


	9. Uncertain

  
  
Disclaimer: See previous.

AN: Sorry this took so long to update. Only one more chapter to go!

**Uncertain**

The doctor came out of the operating room. Kathryn, as well as B'Elanna and Tom, who had been waiting with her, stood to their feet wordlessly.

"The surgery went as well as could be expected. Mr. Chakotay should be ready to leave in a couple of hours. His surgery was not very invasive. Kaya will probably need another week, for the kidney to begin functioning by itself and for the osteoregenerator to complete the bone regrowth." His grave features broke into a smile then. "I think she is going to be fine."

Kathryn sagged visibly, and Tom caught her under one elbow. Relief washed over her features, and tension melted out of her muscles. Her two most trusted friends bracketed her like bookends, supporting her in every way they knew how.

"Can – can I see her?" She finally managed.

"She's still in recovery," the doctor replied. "You can see her as soon as she is moved to a regular room." He looked back and forth at the trio of faces, as if uncertain whether or not to continue. "Mr. Chakotay is conscious, however. You are welcome to visit him, if you like. He's in R-41."

"Thank you, Doctor," Kathryn said, in a voice that was barely audible, but had the distinct captain's tone of dismissal. After his footsteps had echoed down the hallway into silence, she turned to the Parises.

"Should I talk to him?" she asked.

"If he's up to it," B'Elanna said, at the same time as Tom said,

"You'll have to sooner or later."

"I know. He's going to have a lot of questions that I don't have good answers for. I guess I owe him the right to ask though." She squared her shoulders, as if to steel herself for the task to come. She quirked her eyebrows at them, in a wordless "wish me luck" gesture, and headed down the hall to Chakotay's room.

--------------------------------------------------------

He was sitting up in bed, looking perfectly normal, reading from a computer screen. Of course, his surgery had been very mild. It was Kaya's condition that had been so perilous. Kathryn paused in the doorway for a moment, watching him. That night at the reunion seemed so long ago sometimes, a lifetime distant, yet she could still feel the touch of his skin against hers like it had happened last night. She wondered vaguely what would happen to him and Seven now, now that his wife knew what had transpired between them, on that long ago night.

"Can I help you?" came his voice, and when Kathryn started guiltily, she realized that he was watching her. How long had she been standing in his doorway staring at him? A flush began to creep up her cheeks.

"I just came to see how you were doing." He smiled at her then, a friendly smile, a polite smile, and one that didn't reach his eyes.

"As you can see, I'm fine," he said, cordially. _The politeness of a stranger,_ she thought. Concern darkened his eyes then. "How is Kaya?"

"The doctor said the surgery went well. They think she is going to be fine." Chakotay closed his eyes briefly at her words, and appeared to murmur a prayer of thanks. There was a long silence that began to be awkward, but then Chakotay spoke again, as if he'd remembered something he was told he should say.

"And how are you doing?" The warmth of concern was not present in his voice. Kathryn felt despair well up in her, even as she lifted her chin stoically. _So this is how we play this game._

"I'm fine." She took a deep breath. "I wanted to talk to you, Chakotay. I wanted to explain – "

"I would love to hear you explain why you decided not to tell me I had a daughter." Chakotay's voice was flat, and Kathryn winced.

"I thought what happened that night was just a terrible mistake. I – "

"A _mistake_? That's impossible. Kathryn Janeway doesn't make mistakes." She flinched as if his sarcasm had physically cut her. His next phrase was full of soul weariness. "You knew, Kathryn. You _knew_ how much I wanted a child. I told you myself. And you unilaterally decided to withhold that information from me. You made unilateral decisions about us on _Voyager_, and you never stopped."

"You were _married._" The word was wrung from Kathryn, the agony of his defection from her side still apparent and fresh. "You had a life. Without me in it. I didn't think I had the right to destroy that."

"Maybe you didn't. But neither did you have the right to keep Kaya a secret from me."

"I did what I thought was best for my daughter." Kathryn said angrily, her voice rising. As soon as she saw the dangerous look come over Chakotay's face, she knew her singular pronoun had been a mistake.

"Your secret nearly got her killed." Chakotay said stonily. Kathryn's face drained of all color.

"You don't mean that," she whispered. He looked at the misery on her face, and faltered.

"No," he sighed. "I suppose I don't. But that doesn't make what you did right."

"Chakotay, I had valid reasons. I was doing what I thought was best."

"For you," he countered. At her look of confusion, he continued, "You did what you thought was best for you. Not for Kaya. Not for me. For you." She stared at him for a moment, and realized that she did not have an excuse. _How was I to know you would even want her? _She thought, _nope, that doesn't fly. Of course he would want her...How about,_ _I didn't want to ruin what you had with Seven._ Still no good, he loved _her_; she knew that, he had said as much that night at the reunion. Her mind tripped through half a dozen reasons, and she knew that none of them would wash.

Except the truth.

"I was afraid," she said, very softly.

"Of what?"

"Of what might happen." The self-evidence of this statement might have seemed silly to some, but Chakotay knew her well. She was admitting fear, over a future with no absolute certainty, over outcomes that she could not predict in advance. In a lab or on the bridge of a starship, uncertainty and unexpectedness were her adrenaline rushes. In personal relationships, they sent her backpedaling rapidly. He could not stop the wave of tenderness for her that washed over him.

"Do you know yourself?" Chakotay asked.

"Do I what – Chakotay, what are you talking about?"

"Just answer the question."

"Yes, I know myself," she said, still wondering where he was going with this.

"Do you know me?" he persisted.

"Yes, at least, I think I do."

"Do you know how you feel about me?"

"Without a doubt." Her eyes locked with his. He reached out and entwined his fingers with hers. She felt like she could no longer breathe.

"Do you know how I feel about you?" She nodded, unable to speak. He reached up and trailed the fingers of his other hand down one cheek. Sparks flew. "Then there are no unknowns. And therefore, nothing to be afraid of." She sighed deeply, and laid her cheek on the top of his head.

"We both have a lot of baggage to deal with," he cautioned. "But I'm willing to try to ... create a workable situation. I want to be in Kaya's life."

"I want you to be too," Kathryn said, with tears in her voice. "I'll - I'll do whatever it takes."

They were silent for a long moment, and were jarred out of their contemplation only when Chakotay's monitor chimed.

"Incoming message. Flagged 'Urgent'"

"Open message," he said, and read a few lines. He took a deep breath and let it out audibly.

"What is it?" Kathryn asked.

"Ani's divorcing me."

TBC


	10. Unbroken

**Disclaimer:** See previous.

**AN:** Thanks to all who reviewed. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed creating it.

**Unbroken**

**_Fourteen months later_**

Chakotay twined his fingers through hers, and smiled. _I love you_, she felt it in his eyes, although he did not speak. She looked up at him, returning the sentiment, and rested her head briefly on his shoulder, in a kind of quasi-embrace. She stroked Kaya's raven hair idly with one hand. Dimly, they were aware of Tuvok's stolid, reliable voice going through the traditional marriage ceremony, but the focus of their attention was elsewhere.

It had been a rough year for them in many ways. Chakotay had been right; there was much baggage, and it seemed to rear its ugly head unexpectedly at the most vulnerable moments. Chakotay had been very much wounded by her furtive behavior regarding Kaya. And Kathryn still fought guilt over his marriage, seeing it as more of her failure than his. Even after his and Seven's divorce was finalized, they had taken things between them in a tentative fashion.

The first night he came over for dinner after Kaya was able to return home, Kathryn had introduced him, somewhat awkwardly, as her father. Kaya had shaken her head, in a voice much too mature for 5, and said,

"No, because I don't have a father."

Chakotay had nearly hit the ceiling. He had taken his little girl to a mirror, showing her how they looked alike, and how her dark skin and eyes were a trademark of his people. When Kathryn had checked on them later, he had her in his lap, enthralled with a story about Coyote and the foolish warrior. Later on that night, his anger had surfaced again at her, along with regret at the 5 precious, wasted years.

Chakotay's divorce had made headlines...especially once the knowledge of his illegitimate child with Admiral Janeway, formerly of _Voyager_, got out. Lurid, and not always accurate, details were plastered all over the press. Kathryn writhed with guilt and mortification.

The last _Voyager_ reunion had been a nightmare. She and Chakotay had arrived separately, and tried to avoid each other the entire time, which actually garnered more attention than acting normally would have. Seven had arrived on Axum's arm, looking absolutely stunning, and had given Kathryn a look that could have melted tritanium. Kathryn had weathered it with grace, thinking it was less than what she deserved.

But then, Seven saw Kaya. The little girl was playing with Miral and Jonathan, her long black hair streaming down her back nearly to her waist, the late afternoon sun slanting in through a window and tinting her skin a glowing gold.

"No, Jonathan. If it is _hurani_, it goes this way..." she demonstrated the proper position of the toy, her childish treble peppered with Chakotay's native language, which she had picked up in an astonishingly short time. Chakotay had watched Seven watch Kaya, and several different emotions had played across the former drone's features. When her eyes brimmed with tears and she bolted from the reception hall, Chakotay had gone after her without thinking.

They had shouted at each other out on the veranda, and their voices had carried. Chakotay's voice was low and angry, but Seven's higher-pitched voice was easier to distinguish. By the time the phrase "sleeping with the captain" drifted into the room, it was deathly quiet. Kathryn had quietly gathered up Kaya and beat a hasty retreat, not stopping until she reached her family's vacation home in Maine.

She didn't call Chakotay for two weeks after that.

But they had weathered that as well. Their love for each other was no longer an ethereal breath-taking thing, but tough and strong and durable. It had been baptized by fire, but remained intact. They had married in a private ceremony, 4 months after the reunion.

"She looks happy. Don't you think she looks happy?" Chakotay whispered, snapping Kathryn back to the present. She peered down at the throng from their vantage point on the balcony.

"She looks radiant," Kathryn answered honestly. His ex-wife's blond hair shimmered in the sunlight, as she smiled at her husband-to-be.

"I hope she's happy. She deserves it." He said, in a choked voice. Kathryn squeezed his hand.

"She will be."

"And one day, these relationships will be restored." He smiled at her comfortingly, knowing how much this rift in their little _Voyager_ family bothered her.

"Good. I don't like sneaking into people's weddings," she replied.

"Well, the next _Voyager_ reunion isn't too far away. We'll see everybody then."

"No, we probably won't be there then," she answered absently, placing her hand on her flat abdomen. Chakotay saw her gesture and stared, his eyes darkening with realization.

"Kathryn?" he ventured. She smiled at him mistily.

"I want a boy... just like _you_." His own eyes had filled with tears then, and she knew he regarded this child as a precious gift, a second chance to see life he helped create from the very beginning, an opportunity to atone for what had been done wrong the first time.

Cheers and music rose up from the crowd below, as Axum gathered Seven into his arms and kissed her tenderly. Their actions were mirrored by the couple high above them, each now blissfully unaware of the other.

A brighter future awaited them all.

Fin 


End file.
